Yeats’ “Leda and the Swan” By Catherine Ford Greek Myth -Zeus disguised as swan rapes Leda -Gives birth to Clytemnestra, Helen of Troy, Castor and Polydeuces. - ppt download

Yeats’ “Leda and the Swan” By Catherine Ford Greek Myth -Zeus disguised as swan rapes Leda -Gives birth to Clytemnestra, Helen of Troy, Castor and Polydeuces. - ppt download: Greek Myth -Zeus disguised as swan rapes Leda -Gives birth to Clytemnestra, Helen of Troy, Castor and Polydeuces -Clytemnestra and Agamemnon

[Just trying to access this presentation to see what it says, what its thesis is. I can't do so without sharing it to my blog or something like that, so I can't yet endorse it as I haven't yet seen it. FYI...]

A Catch-up Catch-all

Hello! It's been far, far too long so many apologies to the few of you who know of the existence of this blog. Circumstances have made it difficult for me to post more consistently as I had originally planned. Sadly, I don't even have that much time right now at that, so I'm going to bail in a way, but ideally it will still be interesting or entertaining to you. I've been looking for a number of old boxes containing various things from my career as a writer -- contributor copies, letters, contracts, books, stuff from agents, my OWN books, etc. These appeared to have been long gone probably due to too many moves around the country. Shit happens, you know? Still, it's been a real source of frustration, so I've spent the last few months finding and digging through some old boxes in the basement and I've been lucky enough to uncover some things at least.  I've been working on building out my main site, which I devoted nearly entirely to my writing career, but that's a long term project. In the meantime, I've run across a ton of things that are cool, weird, funny, forgettable and everything in between. I've taken a long of pics, made screenshots and I'm just going to post some arbitrary ones here, though a bit diverse in what they are. I hope at least some of them will be cool to you. Cheers!

Well, the first pic, which is perfectly find on my computers, won't display on this post and I don't have the time to write descriptions about these like I hoped to, so I'm just going to try to upload some arbitrary pics and hope it works out and that they'll be largely self evident. Sorry, but thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s Go (Way) Beyond Douthat’s “Decadent Society” to Address America’s Rot…

 

Let’s Go (Way) Beyond Douthat’s “Decadent Society” to Address America’s Rot…

 

Stimulated/inspired by Ross Douthat’s The Decadent Society: How We Became the Victims of Our Own Success

WARNING: GRAPHIC, POSSIBLY DISTURBING, PHOTOS IN ARTICLE. DO NOT READ OR VIEW IF POSSIBLY TRIGGERED OR FOR ANY OTHER SIMILAR REASON FOR CONCERN. THE AUTHOR IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY REACTION TO WAR OR RELATED PHOTOS, ETC.

WARNING: GRAPHIC LANGUAGE, SUBJECT MATTER, ETC., SOME MAY FIND OFFENSIVE. READ WITH SUCH KNOWLEDGE PROVIDED BEFOREHAND IN THIS SECTION.

Book. Subject. Topic. Very good, I agree with many points ... only ... I would take it one or five steps further. Douthat doesn't go far enough in taking Americans to task and that's a shame because while Americans don't like to hear it and while Americans are too sissified to handle any bad news as they bury their heads in the sand, the facts are we are soft and weak, people are lazy and entitled, dumber each generation (and various conspiracy theorists have plenty of reasons dating back from generations to centuries of intent on the part of US leaders shadow leaders). Americans have lost all critical thinking and reasoning skills -- skills most desired by major employers now but a reason they're having to recruit from international universities instead of taking the "teach for the test” Americans, very few of whom are prepared for shit upon graduation. Everyone gets a blue ribbon for participating, kids are bullied, which while I admit has taken on a more serious and despicable tone, EVERY damn generation of kids in history has been bullied, my wife and I among them. Did we freak out, commit suicide? Shit! It's called Grow A Pair or Grow a Spine and deal because it's great training for what you'll find in life and in the workforce later in life, where the younger generations can't take criticisms of virtually any type. I was brought in to fire those types. We expect comfort and leisure, but I'm not sure why because unless you're one of the 10 or 20% at the top, those are basically gone for good. And here's the thing that really gets me. Americans think we're so badass. For decades the "ugly American" has tortured the world with demands, with bragging about how if it weren't for the good ole US of A saving your lousy pansy asses in TWO world wars in the last hundred years, you'd all be speaking German. There are so many reasons for people to resent Americans just for that because not only is it arrogant and snobby, but it's literally dead wrong. WW 1 was largely over -- a huge trench warfare stalemate which had essentially been for over a year while the Europeans in charge tried to broker a peace. Then, depending on which historian or conspiracy theorist or whoever you listen to, President Wilson decided he wanted in on the act -- and there are lots of reasons and plenty of resources, so he sends a million men over there about the time the rest were going to give up and go home, resulting in extending the war over a year and casualties by an ungodly amount. And after that, American historians and politicians like to try to hide the fact that he sent American troops to the Soviet Union to HELP them, such as guard the Chinese border, camp out in Siberia and built the Trans-Siberian railway for them, and US bankers sent craploads of money over there and all of this was hushed up, but the point is, the US not only didn't "win" WW 1 and save Europe, but we made it much worse.

But what about WW 2? We won that, right? Well, we like to tell the world that. And it's total bullshit. Some basic facts -- and not John Wayne movies -- can point out some basic truths. When did the war start? Yes, late summer 1939 when Germany AND the Soviets invaded Poland. And when did America enter the war? Yes, years later after most of Europe west of Berlin and much of northern Africa had been decimated and the Brits were the only ones keeping the entire region hanging together and they were about to go under, but by then, it had been years. So we "entered the war" with great fanfare, only it was with the Japanese due to Pearl Harbor, but somehow everyone declared new war on each other in Europe. But did we go to Europe? No! We went to Africa to help out the Brits, which we did. And then eventually from there, we made our way up into the toe of Italy where we faced Mussolini's non-existent armies, non-existent tanks, non-existent air force, non-existent weapons and the Italians all of a sudden decided they'd have enough of the fascist and they wanted out, which annoyed the hell out of Hitler cause then he had to divert a couple of divisions down to Italy to hold off the Yanks and the Brits. Which they did. Pretty effectively. So D-Day, right? We kicked ass on D-Day and saved Europe, right? Well, maybe, but when was D-Day? June 6, 1944. But did you know that Allied planners had originally been planning for such an invasion for one year earlier? Secretly? And do you know what cynical critics say is the reason why that didn't happen and in fact it took an entire extra year before “the weather was good enough” for us to get there? (Please don't misunderstand. I lost family members on the beaches there and throughout Normandie. I'm not anti-American. I'm anti-STUPID American!) Well, Hitler bit off more than he could chew when he foolishly invaded the Soviet Union and he had to divert not only nearly all of his armies to the eastern front, but recruit others from Finland and other neighboring countries to join AND also insist that Romania send its army (along with the inept Italians) into southern Russia, etc. And they were slaughtering each other, which accomplished two things for the western allies. One, we knew a beach landing and invasion under heavy fire would result in horrible causalities but the longer the Germans were occupied with Russia, the fewer there would be to deal with because they were getting killed by the bushels, so facing old men and children seemed much more appealing to us. Second and more important, we never WANTED to be allied with Stalin -- he was Hitler's ally at the start of the war and invaded Poland along with Germany. They were allies until Hitler double-crossed Stalin. Many American and British government and military leaders already viewed the Soviet Union as our next big -- and likely much worse than Hitler -- enemy, so while we were rooting for the Reds to kills off the Germans, we were thrilled that the Germans were doing the same to the Soviets. It was fucking ugly. Oh yeah, as far as D-Day (“Operation Overlord”) goes, the casualties WERE horrible, but the US was far from the only ones taking them with the invasion. If you don’t know this you need to. There were five beaches designated to be invaded, all given “code” names which were Utah, Juno, Gold, Omaha and Sword. Of these five beaches, the US was given Utah where the 23,000 man 4^th Infantry Division took roughly 200 casualties. Omaha was supposed to be the worst and it was also given to the Americans. The US 1^st and 29^th Infantry Divisions faced off against one of the few remaining badass German Divisions and casualties were predictably high – about 2,000. However, the British were assigned Gold Beach and with a Canadian division faced virtually no opposition compared to Gold and moved pretty far inland. An aside. How many of you knew that not only were the Canadians involved, but a damn whole lot of them at that? Having lived several years in Canada, even while a young lad, I learned about that. Because while the US was responsible for two of the five beaches (intentionally and erroneously often telling our students we were virtually the sole invaders and took virtually all of the horrific casualties, which is simply not true and yet so typical of American propaganda), the Canadians – with far fewer forces at their disposal – not only participated on assaulting Gold Beach with the British, but they were responsible also for Juno Beach! And I don’t know the figures off the top of my head and don’t have the time to look them up, but Juno was fucking BRUTAL and the Canadians took it in the ass really, really hard and were lucky just to get on to and hold the beach by the end of the night. Sword Beach, the fifth one, was the responsibility of the British and not only was it brutal, but some might argue it was the one that was least successful, in the sense that the invaders did not meet their objectives and barely held off a ferocious German counterattack. All that said, the invasions never suffered the terrible casualties so many planners were worried about, with estimates basically looking like of the 155,000+ Allied forces on Day One, “only” 4,000 were KIAs (as well as additional wounded and missing). While it’s tragic to lose anyone in war, war is hell as they say and sustaining “only” 0.026% casualties compared to both planned estimates and what could have been was very nearly a miracle. Finally, as an FYI, there weren’t only US, British and Canadian troops involved. The Free French and the Poles insisted and were given serious responsibilities in the invasion as well, as such was deserved. So again, not to sound like an anti-American blasphemer, but the propaganda that bragging Americans love to spout about how bad ass we are and were and how we took horrible casualties on D-Day while saving Europe, the Jews and the world is kind of bullshit as we were responsible for only 40% (2 of 5) of the beaches, half of which were nearly devoid of opposition and casualties. In essence, we played at best a role slightly larger than the Brits or the Canadians, but actually less than the two combined. Still wanna brag?

Another major WW 2 point and I'll move on. Ever look at the WW 2 casualty figures? America had about 450,000 casualties -- which is horrible. But still among the fewest of any of the majors in the war. Without having the time to look up the actual figures, the Brits lost a few more, I think the Italians lost over a million, the French lost about a million, shitloads of Poles died obviously, Romania lost a damn million (and you never hear about that!), Germany lost 7 million, tons of other countries lost more than their fair share -- it was horrible -- but do you know how many soldiers and civilians the Soviet Union lost in WW 2? Nearly every conservative estimate places the number at a minimum of 27 MILLION people! I don't know the facts off the top of my head, but I'd wager that's more than all of the Allied countries combined. And it was brutal too. Those on the Soviet western front got to experience what most of Poland did and they're still discovering hidden mass graves where people (especially Jews, but others too) were lined up and murdered relentlessly. When Americans brag about "winning" WW2 and saving Europe and the world, please remember we did NOTHING of the sort while we continue to brag endlessly and insult countless people who had to live through hell no continental American ever had to worry about. The damn Soviets won and with very serious blood paid at that.

Now I've gone on too long and it's late, so a quick example or two. One, there are experts at the graduate National Defense University and elsewhere who have written books (Donald Stoker is one) on the subject that most people don't want to bring up, if they even know about it. With all of our money, our tech, our training, etc., how come the US does such a shitty job at warfare??? Over half of our national budget and we get our asses kicked by seeming-prehistoric people who wipe their asses with their hands? And now we want to take on both Russia and China when we haven't won any conflict or war we've been predominantly engaged in since before 1950 if not going back further? If that ticks you off, don't blame me. Blame the American government and military. Read the history, literature, the experts who will to go there. We haven't won a fucking war since we Helped in the cause for WW 2! And yet we beat our chests and issue threats to the rest of the world that they better play by our rules or else. Any wonder why China doesn't seem too scared? Why other countries are so terrified of our threats that they engage in proactive cyberwarfare against us daily and increasingly where it can’t be seen so easily, space conflicts that will lead to warfare on that front as well? Or that there are a number of burgeoning regional hegemonies now? We're known as the most violent society of earth. There are more guns than people in this country. Our homicide rate is higher than the next 10+ 1st world countries combined. And we have no intention of fixing that. Our kids watch the bloodiest movies and shows, play the most insane FPS games,

Game: Half-Life (Valve)

and yet... Those of you old enough to remember Somalia... Mogadishu. Do you remember? Black Hawk Down? 

Black Hawk Down (2001) – Columbia Pictures

Battle of Mogadishu – The Mirror

Gruesome movie, but war is hell. And what happened? American saw a sad picture, but one others see every day in many other parts of the world -- corpses. American corpses. We saw Black Somalian crowds dragging mostly naked (at least one WAS naked, white genitals exposed to the world) dead WHITE US soldiers through the streets of Mogadishu while they laughed and partied and our collective stomachs got sick and we started screaming WTF are we doing there? 

Credit: IconicPhotos

[For what it’s worth, I intentionally left out the photos of the completely naked and mutilated body of a dead US soldier being dragged through throngs on the streets of Mogadishu. For what it’s worth…]

So what happened? Took no time for us to cut and run! Cause we're chickenshit. And to my horror apparently we've also been as racist as ever and just hidden it too. The past 5-15 years have more than proven that. We go back to the safety of our pretend fun FPS killing games while elsewhere little girls going to the stream to wash clothes in their villages face the prospect of having the limbs blown off by US mines (and Soviet) all over the world daily. And what have we heard since? NO Boots on the Ground! Air Force only. And now drones. All of which have proven to be ineffective (read the stats on Vietnam if you doubt me -- take a look on the number, type, frequency of munitions dropped on N Vietnam alone, the horrific shit it did and just how horribly it caused them to want to cut and run -- which would be NOT AT ALL! Because they were strong and dedicated and we were there against our will [our soldiers, not the damn politicians], didn't know why we were fighting and dying, what was being accomplished, what the lies about the daily body counts were about, why we were even involved in what seemed more and more like a civil war the US had taken sides on and was driving at the expense of everyone and for what exactly?) because you NEED BOOTS ON THE GROUND but badass killer Americans are so gutless and weak that during W's Iraq, the government started keeping the media from getting near planes returning with filled coffins covered by flags and they were no longer allowed to show them on TV ... because America didn't have the guts to handle it. We can offer our hypocritical hollow "thought and prayers” (which makes me want to puke) at American mass murders, drive bys, gang wars, white domestic lone wolf terrorists preying on minority, "liberal" and other perceived (it's called brainwashing) "enemies," with the last group of which many Americans now know the FBI and other agencies have labeled as the biggest security threat to this country. Not Muslims, not brown immigrants, not Spanish speakers, etc. Wannabe Aryans "Killing In The Name Of" White Jesus, white christian nationalists, violent white separatists, Fascists or fascist wannabes, fans of autocrats, "antigovernment" "Outsiders" who become Insiders but insist they're still Outside, brainwashed, braindead, psychotic ignored, neglected and Pissed Off nihilistic kids in need of serious help (Columbine was a good starting point for that discussion) AND their goddamn FANS, most disgusting of which has been Anne Coulter, who exposes so much blood lust for "The Other" (nearly everyone not white, insane conservative and full of shit) that it says something disturbing that these people are even allowed mass media audiences in which to egg others on to murder and sedition. We find these people in our christian churches. Yes, it IS that simple. And if you seriously believe Jesus was about peace and love and that's maybe been corrupted by some current religious leaders, you haven't read your holy book -- just the devotions your churches urge you to read cause the Bible is just so, well, big and heavy and boring and shit. Jesus said he came to "divide" families, turn families against each other, split the family unit up, and yeah, he also instructed his new group of clueless zombie disciples to go buy swords -- sell their cloaks if they needed money to do so -- and this is peace and love? And yes, I've seen and read christian apologists try to explain these, usually in "fulfilling" prophecy, but there is so much scholarship and evidence available now that shows virtually none of this so-called "prophecy" a) applied - got taken out of context, which ironically is what these apologists says this sword passage has done -- b) was completely made up (especially by Matthew) or never existed, c) was twisted so very badly and obviously to fit the gospel authors' agendas, d) were (purposely) misinterpreted again to fit agendas, etc., and that doesn't count the massive discrepancies in the gospels alone, such as which of the two birth, hide/flight, return to the public stories do you believe in because it buggers the mind to say you believe in both. And yeah, most of you forget there are two different ones from two different times that do not coincide with each other, but theologians work bigger miracles than the disciples to get things to fit, so WTH? (The fact that there is no independent or even literal evidence that "Nazareth" physically existed at the time the messiah allegedly lives is another laugher...)

So anyway, how do you like them apples? (Back to the present) We sure do feel fine about assassinating towel heads from the air, right? Back to the more main point of the book. America IS decadent. Just look at the pandemic starting around April 2020 in the US. Americans used every excuse in the book to call bullshit on scientific reality and why? Aside from what we would learn were a shocking number of crazies around, it was INCONVENIENT! It kept people from the bars and clubs and churches and beaches and schools and on and on so people broke rules, led by ditto brain, and insisted on their "religious freedom," which was bullshit because I would support that IF it involved just them. If you want to Jim Jones it, to play Russian Roulette with two chambers loaded, be my damn guest, we need to thin the herd anyway. But what people didn't GET and then didn't give a shit about, led by our christian community, was that not only was it potentially suicidal, but HOMICIDAL as well, and what about MY freedom to not be near an invisible killer coming straight from church, which was the first place they all started getting sick and dying even while they still denied it (oh yeah, the country that led the world in inventions, new tech, etc., was now a country of science haters and deniers and its citizens continued to pray to their fairies in the sky while completely disregarding their god's orders, rules, commands, etc.,) and on and on, but the fact that EVERYTHING was more important than not only your life, but your damn neighbor's life -- who gave a shit about them anyway? -- that Republican leaders wanted to have the elderly volunteer to fucking DIE for the sake of the others, the children, the economy, etc. (the Texas governor, an Indiana rep, etc. And they weren't leading by example, remember!). How far off from Mengele was THAT? Those of us with brains and hearts thought there were some sick fucks in this country who might say that, but surely there were only a few. Then came ditto brain's maggots, KKKers, skinheads, white christian nationalists, racists, violent separatists, and now they were mainstream and there were tens of millions of them and where the hell had they been hidden, but it was obvious now that America was a country full of rot at its very core, hidden under Hollywood faux glitz, and it turned out tens of millions of Americans WANT fascism instead of democracy -- are fascists, without even understanding the history of that term, nor the actual definition -- and we want to enjoy our martinis and our new Trek bikes and getting rid of the Section 8 housing down the road to build new condos and upscale developments so yeah, this general concept kinda, sorta resonates with me in my own way I guess. Americans are a sad people, pathetic, an embarrassment to our ancestors and while it's horrible that "innocents" have to die because of psychos, these are the people who have been saying for centuries that all babies born are born guilty and worthy of death and eternal torture because of some alleged myth a couple of people allegedly did thousands of years ago, and while I can hold grudges for life, I tend not to be such a goddamn bastard as to sentence an entire species I claim to have created and love like my own children -- like the one I'm going to send to commit suicide to save these children who are guilty by association and everything about that just reeks of the most ludicrous lines of non-reason, ration or brain function -- you sentence billions and billions of people to eternal damnation cause a couple of people none of the others ever met screwed up one time??? That is insane psychotic! What sicko does that? Oh well, a Hitler. Stalin. Ditto brain. Pol Pot. But even put together, none of them could ever match what this imaginary freak people worship is given credit for having done. And he's worshipped! And we wonder why other civilized nations look at us in wonder while laughing their asses off at our stupidity. Or they were laughing until the American Taliban started killing for Jesus. Not so funny now. Book? Recommend? Oh, I recommend a lot of things, beginning with educating ourselves about our country's history (Hawaii, Cuba, Puerto Rico, Philippines, etc., et al), about reality, about politics, about brainwashing, about many things, and yeah, how the US is rotten with lazy, entitled, spoiled, WEAK people who can't and won't face fact-base reality just because they don't like it and their own fantasies are now their own realties.

Welcome to a dystopia the best sci fi writers in history could never have come up with in their worst nightmares.

 

February 2, 2022

Scott Holstad

EXITS

 

EXITS

Hi!  I am a writer, or at least I pretend to be.  I think I am, therefore I am.  Yes, I write poetry, fiction, nonfiction ‑you name it, I write it.  Of course, if I wanted to really make money, I'd be writing kiddie lit, or maybe porn. Yeah...porn, that's it....

Anyway, my name is Steve Universe. I know, I know, I get nailed for the name all the time. Actually, since I'm the author of this story, I suppose I could go by any name.  Naming is power, you know.  That's what they say at least.  My parents exhausted universal power in first creating me, and then in naming me.  They created for me an identity, whether I wanted one or not.

Naming.  Power.  Writing.  Power.  Naming is such a buzz phrase these days. Current hot topic, especially with the feminists.  Because it's true power.  For instance, I am writing a story.  Even now, as we speak.  Even now, as you read this.  I will write a character into the text.  I will name him.  What?  I'm not sure yet.  But I will create him and he will owe his very existence to me.  Pretty God‑like, don't you think?  Power. Naming. I'm a writer.  Or at least I think I am.  Well, I speak as a writer.

Oh, but I digress.  My name, Steve Universe.  Did I mention that I'm writing a story?  Did I mention I'm a writer?  Actually, now that I think about it I think I did mention that I'm the author of this story.  And I am, but there is actually a little more to it. It seems that while I am in this grand process of creation, I am myself undergoing the self-same process of creation. I seem to be a character in someone else's story.  I know, I know, don't get all pissy.  I'm finding this out as we speak, just as you are.  Do you think I like it?  Frankly, I'm not amused. I thought I was omnipotent, omniscient, God and all that juicy stuff. I thought I mattered.

My author's name, evidently, is Scott Holstad.  (Who would have picked that name?)  He claims to be a writer (but then, don't we all?).  I mean, who the hell has ever heard of Scott Holstad?  If I'm destined to be a measly character in someone's story, why the hell couldn't I get Updike or Vonnegut?  Hell, even Mailer or somebody like that? Somebody known?  Someone who matters?

Well, this Holstad character seems to be the asshole who gave me my name, at least that's what he claims.  Steve Universe.  He seems to find humor in it.  Play on words, that sort of shit.  Universal.  University.  Mr. Universe.  Universe.  I don't call that funny.  He'd never make a living as a comic.  And Steve.  Pretty boring I'd say. Why not something a little more exotic?  God knows, most writers do seem to have somewhat boring names.  Robert, John, Walter, Steven.  Well, I'm a writer; I speak as a writer. I would name my character Fabio...yeah, that's it.  Exotic.  Romantic.  Steve.  That's so...universal!  I mean, I could be anybody....

---

Hi! I'm THE writer, or at least I pretend to be.  The Government says I am, therefore I am.  They give me these little numbers and I exist.  Truly.  I kid you not.  I know it's amazing, and I sometimes doubt it myself, but just try dodging your taxes sometime and see if you don't exist!

Anyway, I'm the creator of Steve Universe.  I know, I know call me a narcissist (and you won't be the only one), but deep down we're all ego maniacs.  It's that God Complex.

Well, Steve's been railing away so I have decided to just write him out of the text. That's right, erase him.  Just write him out.  Easy as pie.

There.  I've done it.  Steve Universe no longer exists.  And it was easy to do, like I said.  They say we are all capable of creation and that may be true but, God –  are we ever capable of destruction!  Total annihilation, say I!

             We can erase, Reconstruct, abolish, eliminate, terminate, DESTROY, with the greatest of ease.  Oh, and we writers are so proficient at it.  Comes with the territory I guess.

Actually, I've been thinking about something new lately.  New, that is, for me.  I speak to you as a writer, therefore I can say this.  I'm thinking of writing myself out of the text.  That's right, textual suicide.  Innovative, eh?  I hate to admit this, but Steve was right about one thing, at least.  I'm not the best-known writer.  Oh, I have my share of groupies and I certainly appreciate them.  They're devoted.  But, I'm not exactly a household name either.  Not that I'm ambitious.  Not that I'm a narcissist.  I speak as a writer, remember?

Look, what better way to achieve notoriety?  Textual suicide.  I will be no more. (And I know I am now. I know I exist because I have numbers proudly given to me by my Government.)  I will be no more.  Oh, I know I won't be around to enjoy the accolades, but what the hell?

And those saps out there always fall for the suicides.  My God, what a bloody operation!  I've always wanted in on the scam.  The papers, TV, TV, TV, TV, mags, papers, bloodsucking TV.  We're the fastfoodfastentertainmentfast sexfasttloodthirstyviolent generation by God, and we're suckers for that shit!

Give me my suicide!

Give me my constitutionally guaranteed suicide!

Oh, they'll just eat it up.  And Steve?  Well, he's been written out of the text, eh? Doesn't really matter anymore, does he?  He's Steve Universe.  Was Steve Universe. Universal.  University.  Mr. Universe.  Steve Academia.  Boring Steve.

 

Steve, Steve I'm so 

bereaved I can't conceive 

 Why we must leave.

 

 

Oh, but I digress.  Again.  But I speak as a writer.  I'm allowed occasional digressions.  Writers, dammit!  Never seem to get to the friggin point.  I mean, well, what is the point?  The point's the point son.  The end's the point.  Cause we exist you know.  I, Scott C. Holstad, who speaks to you as a writer (and as a human? maybe?), I exist you know.  This I know.  For the Government tells me so.  It gets so slow.  Sometimes gotta go.  Breakdown.  Discourse.  Breakdown.  The point?

Oh yeah, the Point.  I guess it's the End of the stick you put your hot dog on.  Or maybe your marshmallow.  The Point...the Point.

The Point, oh yeah.  Well, to get on with my story, I think I'm going to write a new character into the text.  To be my narrator, of course.  To carry on the tradition...the tradition...the Point.

 

Actually, to be perfectly honest with you, sometimes I feel like I'm already being erased from the text.  It's like someone has pushed the Pause button, but it turns into the Erase button.  I don't know how to explain it.  I don't know how to...communicate...it.  I don't know....

Well, this is very strange indeed.  It feels like someone's been tampering with me, with me, with me, with me...me -- ...me...me...me with...me with...me with tampering... NO! That's Martin Amis you dolt!  We're not going backwards in this story.  We're being Fucking erased!

As I said, I speak to you as a writer.  And I am the creator of this mess, so I decide what's going on.  Right?  I am going to ever so conveniently create a new character before ever so conveniently obliterating myself from this increasingly dreary story.  Textual Suicide.  Oooh, how 'bout Cyber Textual Suicide?  Yeah, they love that Cyber shit.  It's so in.

There.  See?  I've created yet again.  A new category.  A new ending.  A new genre which they'll be beating down the damn doors for.  Cyber Textual Suicide.  Only a matter of time now before it's in the Canon.  Oh baby, they'll be asking GRE questions about it. I'm drooling now just thinking about it!  And I owe it all to me.  Me!  Not Steve Universe. Not Scott Holstad.  I mean, Wait!  Yes, Scott Holstad.  That is me.  I think.  Wait, hold on. Let me check my ID card.  Oh yes, right here.  Scott C. Holstad.  In black and white.  Very official looking.  See, the Government says I exist.  Therefore I am.  I am the Creator of this story.  Cause the Government says I can.  I am the Creator....

And people laughed when he claimed that God was dead.  God's not dead you fools.  I am God!  The Creator.  Yes, of this story.  And the Government says I exist so it must be so.  Right?  And if I want to obliterate myself (Wait. Here it comes...a rousing, orgasmic cry of Cyber Textual Suicide!!!), from the text of course, I can do it!  Cause I'm the Destroyer.  I mean Creator.  I mean God.  Oh, what's the difference?

And this new character...what should we name it?

It.  What gender first of all?  Or does that matter?  We've all read Virginia Woolf after all.  And we did see "The Crying Game."

Well, ok, but what color hair?  Eyes?  Teeth?  Teeth?   OK, I tried to pull one over on you.  Or is it put one?  Or does it matter?  Whatever the case, I am the writer because I am the God.

OK.  Height?  Weight?  Genitals?  Oh, no need to go Victorian on me.  Really!  Boots or balls, what'll it be?  Come on, come on, we don't have all day here.

You see?  Do you see why I am writing this and you're not?  My God, you're slower than horse shit!  And indecisive.  What a match.  Readers dammit.  What the hell do Fish and Iser know anyway?  I mean, have they ever actually tried to work with a reader?  Ain't that easy, is it?  No sirree.

I feel decidedly better now.  Sort of.  Just thinking about what I'm about to create makes me go positively gushy from head to toe.  I'm talking thrills a minute. Because I'm the Creator.  The Government says so.  And it should.... Hold on, what's this?  But I haven't decided to go yet.  I'm the only person who can erase myself from the text.  Hang it all, stop that!  What is going on here?  I speak to you as a writer because i am the creator exist you know the government tells me so this i know you know i am god it's so I'm the master of this story but everything's getting denser is that really a word werd weird bsmck shit now i know that's not a word dammit i need my words to create i need my language my name my power my god....

 

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Hi!  Sorry about all that gibberish back there.  You shouldn't really have been forced to endure it.  Feel free to register a complaint with the proper authorities if you must.  But on behalf of the author and this publication, I would like to extend a formal apology.

Those Post-Modern writers think they can get away with anything.  Pretentious fucks!  Oops, sorry.  It's just that they get feisty and break loose every now and then.  But don't worry.  We take care of 'em. We put 'em back where they belong.

Now. Where were we?  Oh yes.

 

Hi! I am the writer.  I know I am a writer and I know I am the writer because I speak to you as a writer....

 

XXX

 

Scott C. Holstad 

© 1995 Scott C. Holstad

#metafiction